I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
