420 ftw
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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