i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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