The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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