Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
