jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And then my night got REAL pukey
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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