i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
