Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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