im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
