yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
