I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
