Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
