I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
