but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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