and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
