Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
