Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
