And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
