New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
