she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
