I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
