You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
