69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I could make wine with my vomit
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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