Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
