hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
