So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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