im drinking this country out of the recession.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
