I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
