she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
