I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
