we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
