See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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