All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
