So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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