His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
