I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
