At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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