i permit you to call me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
God, I missed his penis.
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