woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
