Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
