My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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