We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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