Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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