So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
