My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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