Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
