I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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