he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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