My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
