So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
