Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
