Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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