yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
