Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
