Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
