look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
