My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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